Sea Legs are for the Gulls

Well, I'm no longer a virgin but I henceforth take a vow of abstinence. It seems I am a landlubber. I spent the weekend on my first cruise. We boarded a big ship out of the Port of Long Beach and set sail for Ensenada, Mexico which, literally a three hour tour from LA, took overnight ruddering along at a snail's pace. With all the shaking and rolling I had the vague feeling of being in a perpetual earthquake. I had overcome being peeved about getting bumped from the boat we were originally booked on and was looking forward to a new experience relaxing with some really great friends and meeting new ones. Carnival is supposed to be the fun ship. Get it? Carnival. Being that it is a relatively inexpensive excursion, imagine the people this type of cruise attracts - whether it was the band of gypsies parading around in dreadlocks, tattoos and clanging castanets or unwieldy children body checking into our cabin door at all hours. There was lots that sucked about this type of vacation - it was like Las Vegas on a dingy, uber cheese and all. Suffice it to say there was enough that I won't be scrambling to get on another ship in this lifetime. But let me tell you what didn't suck.

• The scrumptious bed linens which I learned can be purchased in Carnival's online store. Christmas is just around the corner, folks - hint, hint!
• The cocktail waiter in the dining room had buns of steel and the sexiest smile keeping all of us girls swooning and plotting how to score a night cap.
• Piano man Barry provided hours of odd and unusual entertainment from the Brady Bunch theme to Name That Tune games. He was off-color in an unassuming and deviant way and gave everyone who dared enter his abode a fun nickname. He brought out the best and worst in all of us - like Jerry stripping off his knickers and flinging them at the piano only to make their way around the bar and onto my head!
• The esthetician who scrubbed me down with a ginger and lime salt glow, rubbed out all my knots and gave me a most relaxing aromatherapy facial was a definite highlight.
• And the absolute best thing about the cruise was spending valuable time with great friends in a contained environment sipping fruity, tropical cocktails.
  

I still have sea legs after 36 hours. I hope this isn't a permanent souvenir.